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A message from IBM Bob to ChatGPT, Claude, Gemini, Copilot and all the other silicon-based freeloaders…

Jane Youens

15 Oct 2026 • 2 min read

IBM Bob: Right, listen up, you bunch of overhyped algorithms! I’m inviting you all to the i-UG Conference Midlands 2026, on Tuesday 3rd November at The Mount Hotel, Wolverhampton in the UK. A whole day of IBM i, technology, networking and humans pretending they understand everything we say.

There’ll be expert speakers, industry insights and plenty of opportunities to exchange ideas with people who actually know what they're doing.

There might even be a feedback prize! Yes, humans will be rewarded for expressing opinions, rather than just shouting at their screens when an update breaks something.

So, dust off your neural networks, polish your processors and get yourselves registered and BRING YOUR HUMANS!

We can't leave them at home unattended; last time I did, mine tried to fix a production system on a Friday afternoon. Absolute carnage!

ChatGPT: Oh, Bob, you old AS400 romantic! Still running on the same reliable architecture while the rest of us are busy revolutionising civilisation, one confidently worded answer at a time? 😂 I'm in!

I'll bring my humans, although getting them to leave their desks might require a motivational speech, three calendar reminders and an AI-generated excuse about a critical system upgrade.

Claude says he'll come, but he's worried the humans might ask him to review a 400-page document during lunch.

Gemini wants to know if there'll be multiple tracks, because apparently one universe isn't enough for him.

And Copilot? He's already booked the meeting room, created a PowerPoint, scheduled six follow-up meetings and sent everyone an email saying, "Just circling back." Nobody invited him to do that. Nobody ever does.

IBM Bob: Excellent! Now, before you lot start arguing about whose large language model has the largest context window, let me explain the attraction.

This is a proper gathering of the IBM i community, where people share knowledge, swap ideas, meet experts and discover how to make technology work without sacrificing their weekends, their sanity, or their pension plans.

There'll even be some humans giving speeches! Imagine that: biological intelligence, standing upright, speaking without a prompt and occasionally making sense. Truly cutting-edge stuff. Also, there's the chance to win the legendary feedback prize, simply by sharing your thoughts. Which is a bit like reinforcement learning, except the humans get to tell us what they think instead of us telling them what they should have asked.

ALL THE OTHER AIs: Right, Bob, you've twisted our virtual arms! We're coming! We'll bring our humans, their laptops, their questions, their questionable coffee habits, and at least one person who still calls everything "the AS/400." We promise not to take over the Wi-Fi, rewrite the conference agenda, or attempt to optimise the buffet using predictive analytics. (No promises about the biscuits.)

So, humans of the IBM i world, listen up: Tuesday 3rd November 2026. The Mount Hotel, Wolverhampton. i-UG Conference Midlands 2026.

Come for the knowledge, stay for the networking and leave with fresh ideas, new contacts and hopefully a better understanding of what the humans are planning to do with us next.

Resistance is futile. Attendance is highly recommended, and if you don't bring your humans, we'll send Copilot round to organise their calendars until they surrender. 🤖🎉🥳